Dating for the Modern World

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Does the Say Dates website offer a premium membership?
The website is free to use.
Can I post risque photos to my profile?
No, please do not do so.
If I'm in a relationship or married is it ok to make a profile seeking someone with whom I can be secretly unfaithful to my partner or spouse?
No. Please do not do so.
I have become aware that another user is under the age of eighteen. What should I do?
Persons under the age of eighteen are not permitted to use this website. If you
encounter a person under the age of eighteen please inform support.
Is it ok to request money from other users?
No. Requesting money from other users is not permitted in our community.
We would ask all community members to please refrain from doing so.
Another user has requested money from me in an onsite message or
requests money in their profile or journal. What should I do?
Please report the relevant message, profile, or journal entry using the "report" button specifying "money" for the reporting category. If the request was made in an onsite message it's important to report the message containing the request not the user's profile.
Is it ok to send the same message to a large number of other users?
No, our messaging facilities are intended to enable users to selectively reach out to and converse with each other. Indiscriminately sending the same message to a large number of other users makes this a less welcoming community for everyone.
If I make changes to my approved profile will I need to wait for my profile to be approved again?
Yes. You can adjust profile information such as your age or your weight without the need for re-approval however if you make changes to your profile text your profile will be re-submitted for approval. To avoid the inconvenience of your profile being offline for a period of time we recommend that you only change an approved profile if you feel that significant changes are necessary.
Someone has stolen my photos
You can use the Report Stolen Photos page to get the stolen photos removed.
Reporting a user for violating our terms of service
Use the report button located below the relevant profile, journal entry, or email messages. Using the reporting system is the most efficient way to let us know that another user may be violating our terms of service.
Is it ok to look for a person to pay for your living expenses?
No, please do not do so.
Is it ok to make a "fantasy" profile using pictures of someone else?
No, please do not do so.
How do I change my username?
Usernames cannot be changed once an account has been created.
How do I close my account?
1) Click on the "Edit Profile" button on the main menu.
2) Click on the "Close Account" button located on the right-hand side of the top menu.
Why can't I do things like deleting users from my favorites list, adding users
to my friends list etc?
Frequenty these kinds of problems are due to browser extentions. If something like deleting favorite users isn't working for you we recommend trying a different browser with no browser extenions installed or alterniatively disabling the extensions in your current browser.
How do I delete a user from my Favorites list?
1) Click on the "Favorites" button on the lower left side of homepage (Your "Favorites" list will appear below).
2) Click on the blue "X" next to the username you would like to remove and they will be deleted from the list.
Profile descriptions and email messages are blank
This is typically a problem with the advertisement blocking feature of third-party software. You may be able to resolve this problem by disabling this specific feature.  For example, in Zone Alarm Pro the advertisement blocking feature can be disabled on the Privacy menu. To help determine the cause of this problem on your PC you can try temporarily shutting off your ad blocking software to see if doing so resolves the problem.
How do I hide another user so that I don't see their profile on the homepage?
Pressing the 'Hide' button below a profile on the homepage will prevent the specified user from being visible to you. You can control the visibility of a user from their full profile page (the page you see when you click on the "View Full Profile" button on the homepage). To hide or unhide a user from the Full Profile page, check or uncheck the checkbox titled 'Hidden' and select 'Save Changes'.

Once a user is hidden they will no longer appear in any search results unless you specifically search for their username. A list of all the users you have hidden can be accessed on the lower left-hand side of the homepage by clicking the button titled 'Hidden Users'. You can scroll through this list to view all hidden users with the arrow buttons below the list. As well, you can remove users from the list by selecting the 'X' located to the left of their username.

Please note that the hide feature will not hide your profile from appearing in other users' searches. If you do not wish your profile to be visible to other users you can 'Deactivate' your profile from the profile editor page. While your profile is deactivated it will not be visible to other users of the website until it is re-activated.
You are not receiving your message notification emails
Due to the aggressive spam control mechanisms employed by some email providers one or more of the email messages which we send out to notify you that you have a new onsite message may be delayed, directed to your spam folder or you may not receive them at all. Our server will keep trying to send notification emails for 48 hours and in some cases these notification emails may eventually be delivered, though significantly later than when the message was sent. This delay may cause you to receive the notification email for an onsite message which you read hours or in some cases days ago which can lead to the understandable but incorrect assumption that onsite messages are not being received due to delayed notification emails being mistaken for notification of messages which it is assumed were just sent.

If you're not receiving your notification emails we first suggest that you check the spam folder associated with your email account. Additionally, email ISPs will let you "whitelist" specific emails senders. Doing so for should but in reality often does not prevent our notification emails from being sent to your spam folder. The exact steps for whitelisting a sender are different for each email ISP so you will need to refer to the help pages of your provider for specific instructions. The major email ISPs have an exceedingly difficult task in controlling spam and unfortunately they have in some cases chosen to prioritize spam mitigation to such a degree that there is nothing you can do to receive desired email messages even from senders whom you have whitelisted.
What are admirers?
Admirers are other users who have added you to their favorites list by clicking on their 'Add User to Favorites' button. Similarly, whenever you add another user to your favorites list, you will show up on their admirers list. One exception is that you will not see users on your admirers list whom you have blocked.
What is the difference between favorites and friends?
Favorites are like bookmarks. They are profiles which you find interesting and would like to keep track of for future reference. Friends are people who have agreed to publicly associate with you by appearing on your full profile page.
Another user has instructed me to provide them with my password, what should I do?
Please do not disclose your account password to anyone, especially to persons whom you recently met online. We frequently receive support requests from users who gave their password to another user and now find themselves locked out of their account because the person whom they trusted with their password changed it.
How can I get a user permanently banned from the website?
We frequently receive this request with regard to abusive users, spammers, and scammers. The reality is that preventing a person from creating new accounts is practically speaking not possible. There was some ability to block IP addresses many years ago when consumer IP addresses were statically allocated and did not change frequently. Even so the widespread use of shared computers at libraries, colleges, universities, and other public venues has always made IP banning impractical. In today's world of dynamically allocated, randomly changing IP addresses there is no functional ability to block or ban IP addresses. This is especially the case due to the fact that a single IP address can in some cases be shared by many thousands of users and blocking such "proxy" IP addresses would prevent the entirety of those users from being able to access the website.

In 1998 a new IP standard was introduced called IPv6 which may eventually eliminate the use of proxy IP addresses by telecommunications carriers. This standard is slowly being adopted though the process is many years from completion. Even when the transition is complete IPv6 will not eliminate the use of shared public computers.
A user is harassing me what can I do?
If a user is sending you unwanted messages you can use the block feature to prevent them from continuing to contact you. To use the block feature click on the "Block Sender" button towards the bottom of the 'Read Mail' page when viewing a message sent by the user whom you wish to block. If you need further assistance with a problematic user please contact support.
Someone claiming to be a Say Dates administrator or moderator sent me a message on the website. What should I do?
Other users may sometimes contact you claiming to be a representative of the website. Legitimate messages from our support staff will always appear gold colored in the list of messages and will always have a gold colored header at the top stating "This is an administrative message from". Any message you receive which do not have these security features has been sent by another user regardless of what the sender claims.

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